Ray Leathern notched up plenty of ‘clicks’ in a variety of cars last December and while his sense of direction is fairly keen, TomTom offered their latest Go Live Top Gear Edition GPS for moments when it fails him. Is Clarkson’s voice a refreshing alternative to the traditional sat-nav experience, or is our Ed’s call to be ushered along by the sultry voice of the Cell C lady, Sylvaine Strike, as welcome as ever?
I jumped at the chance when offered TomTom’s latest portable sat-nav system for testing over the Christmas holidays. Loads of journeys I had planned over the festive season would test it to the max. A system that promises to be a ‘match made in petrol head heaven,’ according to the press material; with Jeremy Clarkson’s voice firing off the orders and its hi-tech ‘HD Traffic’ brain doing all the clever satellite update work and you know what… why wouldn’t it be a perfect match? It’s a brilliant idea, marrying two inscrutable motoring factions like this. People who want to know where they’re going will enjoy the great motoring man, Jeremy Clarkson; and that means even more money is going into the Top Gear coffers now isn’t it. Anyhow, despite the franchise side of it…
First plus point for the TomTom is its integrated mount and USB socket. They get along with any car instantly. Pop the mount on the windscreen or wherever else you want it, twist the suction pad an inch to the right to fasten and an inch to the left to release. The USB socket goes directly into your PC or laptop for upgrades, but then connects using the power socket or cigarette lighter back in the car. The touchscreen TomTom itself is small, versatile and the company undoubtedly realises that efficient communication and ease of operation is utmost in making a great portable sat-nav. I got along with it instantly.
My long distance journeys using the TomTom included a grand tour of Gauteng in an Aston Martin Virage, a blast through the Karoo in the Blacktop Rally Sprint, as well as a weekend away to Cape St. Francis in a Jaguar XJ and I have to tell you, it’s quite surreal having the great man talking to you, telling you where to go, while also doing the job that made him famous. Testing cars…, especially British ones. I would’ve loved a voice recognition option or talk back button on the TomTom, a button that rifles through all his loaded quotes like you’re having a chat with him, but despite the surrealism I don’t think Jeremy Clarkson’s character is actually well suited to this endeavour.
You realise while listening to him, just how many commands a sat-nav actually makes and that having a nondescript, clandestine presence is much better suited to the job. “Turn left in 300m, 200m, 100m, now turn…”, I felt a bit sorry for Jeremy giving me such mundane instructions, like my own captured cyber slave celebrity. I wanted him to tell me Top Gear things like – “barrel roll this cheap Korean hatchback over that embankment, go on… do it… don’t be a poof!”, but it never came. In all my time with the system, Jeremy actually showed himself to be quite restrained, sensible and not even very funny. Even a short journey will run through his entire repertoire.
I’ll share them with you to save you the trouble. “No, you cocked up, turn around when possible, pay attention.” That’s when you miss a turn. Fun the first few times you hear it and fun for guest passengers, but quite annoying in the exact moment when you really did make an honest mistake in Sandton in a R2.8-million Aston Martin Virage and you have to do a U-turn in rush hour traffic. “Join the motorway, yes the big black thing full of caravans and traffic cones.” Quite funny, but not his finest work, dare I say. “Join the toll road, yes be prepared to be charged for a road your taxes have already paid for.” Hmm, I fear this might incite suicide if heard over and over by Gautenger’s with an e-tag. Finally, “Your driving is making me car sick.” C’mon Jeremy, don’t be a James May now, I thought you’d love it when I put pedal to the metal.
Unfortunately, the Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson, TomTom tie-in is a serious let down. Don’t be fooled and fork over your hard earned rand to the Top Gear franchise. It has so much potential, but you honestly can’t give a celebrity a handful of phrases and expect it to work. If they really expand on it with loads of weird and wild commands and voice recognition, then I’m game.
Thankfully, the rest of the TomTom GO Live with HD Traffic is fantastic. It tells you where a traffic delay will be along your journey and for how long you’ll be delayed with the help of a time line on the side, and its correct every time. HD Traffic updates every two minutes, that’s seven times more frequent than other sat-navs TomTom claim. I also like how it tells you the weather forecast at your destination, helps warn you of fixed speed cameras and is always thinking about the fastest route. I let it take me down some bizarre roads in my neighbourhood, because of course I always thought I knew the quickest way around there and as true as bob, it found a quicker one for me, avoiding traffic lights all the way.
At R2 399 it’s R600 cheaper than TomTom’s newest offering, the GO Live 1000, making it relatively good value one could argue. So for petrol heads, I recommend getting one and just sticking it into silent ‘Stig mode.’ “Some say… his brain updates every two minutes, and that’s seven times faster than anybody else’s…”
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