Road Test: BMW M135i Steptronic

Everyone knows that ‘M’ is the head of MI6, but what’s this imposter? Richard Webb quizzes the use of the hallowed ‘M’ word on the BMW M135i.

It’s an ‘M’ that’s not really an ‘M’. BMW’s M division is being diluted for marketing expedience, rendering the M heritage a mere badge engineering exercise, destined to the same fate as MG and other ‘badges of convenience’. Hang on just a minute though; let’s drive it first. After all, the 1M Coupe was and still is a laughably entertaining drivers’ car, capable of bringing a smile even to Job during his most teeth gnashing travails.

As the 1M is now discontinued (it will not rest in peace), you’ll want the M135i to be in your cross hairs if you like your automotive chili peppers red-hot. Is it reasonable, however, to expect this ‘M’, that’s not really an ‘M’, to entertain in a similar way to its scorching ‘M’ brother?

This is an ‘M Performance’ model, a new slither of BMW’s (happily) overactive Ministry of Niche Models. It’s pitched between an M Sport line and the ‘he-hormone’ ‘M’ car. I shrugged off some unflattering observations from friends about the look of the car – “it looks like a van with small windows, mate”. Apart from fancy alloys and the bespoke front bumper with a deep-set, aggressive looking spoiler, it looks much like any 116i.

That whole downplaying of talents continues inside, where the interior is typical BMW. Understated, superb plastics and great quality fittings. Everything is where you expect it to be, feeling like a familiar comfortable slipper. Underneath the M135i’s compact snout is that gem of an engine, the turbocharged 2 979cc straight-six engine, which is good for 235 kW in what is a small, 1 500kg motor car.

Any car that you want to steer with subtle throttle inputs needs to be perfectly balanced and this car is one of those ballerina cars with almost perfect 50/50 balance. It flatters you into believing you can really drive after all, so I loved it.

After some time with the car over Franschhoek pass, you begin to realise this is a cerebral choice of car. You will not buy it to show off and the neighbour’s curtains will not twitch as you reverse it up onto your drive. No, you can spec a bog standard 116i to look just the same. Many will.

So it’s a Q-car, then. A wolf dressed in lambs’ clothing, even. Sadly, most 1 Series drivers don’t know or care which of its four wheels are driven, but you care because you read SA Car Fan. What you also need to know is that its rear-wheel drive equips it to lay down tarmac shredding power to reach 0 to 100km/h in an eye-widening 4.9 seconds. That’s just 0.6 seconds behind the M6 flagship; a bit close for comfort to its flagship performance car.

A 10.2:1 compression ratio is low for a twin turbo, so it behaves more like a larger capacity normally aspirated car. ‘A jolly good thing’, I say. If you want to swap your own cogs, you can specify the 6-speed manual. The 8-speed auto is a conventional ZF and (not a dual-clutch transmission), but it actually wrings out better acceleration, economy and emissions than the manual. Both are a joy and I’d have to be equipped with a blindfold and a pin to choose what transmission I’d take from the spec-sheet, but the 8-speed item probably pips it for me.

Variable ratio steering enables you to point the car exactly where it should go and you are instantly rewarded with superb feedback from the thick rimmed and leather covered ‘M’ steering wheel. It grips like a tarmac-vice too.

Munich’s EfficientDynamics boffins take great joy in making life jolly difficult for other premium brands by bringing improvements in fuel consumption and reductions in emissions, without blunting speed and driving pleasure. That helps make the M135i a car that relates to deep inward feelings as well as to the intellect, evoking memories of blasting through narrow English country lanes in a left-hand drive 1978 E30 BMW.

Driving the new M135i is a treat. You’ll want to invent reasons to go to the municipal dump. You’ll drive your next-door neighbours to church, whether they want to go or not. Not so much because it’s a very fast car, but more because it feels a bit like the E30 M3. Almost.

So, is BMW in danger of polluting the purity of its ‘M’ brand? Not on the M135, it isn’t. Ask me again when I try an M Sportline kitted out 116i, but for now, ‘M’ still stands for ‘mofo’ and it’s the car real drivers will fight to plant their backsides in. Ownership of this car is like being an associate member of an exclusive club. You haven’t quite cracked the nod to be at the top ‘M’ table yet, but you’re on your way, oh yes.

Does that mean that there’s no cigar? It’s not an ‘M’ as we know it, but it’s a seriously fun car to drive. Addictive, even, as I found myself volunteering for the school runs and making straight-faced excuses to nip out and borrow a cup of sugar. From Upington. Here’s the kicker though. This BMW is a bargain. Yep, BMW and bargain in the same sentence and no oxymoron warning lights in sight. As the JSE talking heads would say, this is a ‘buy’, then ‘hold’.

What we like…

• It’s a bargain and a quick BMW.
• Driving dynamics, handling, sound.
• Subtle looks, even if it doesn’t have that ‘sizzle’.

What we would like…

• Sheet metal to make you want to caress it.
• A 740 Nm diesel engined tri-turbo M135D version. Please, Bodo. (referring to Bodo Donauer – BMW S.A.’s head honcho – Ed.)

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